Old Man Harkins Bio

John Jim Harkins was born in Montgomery Alabama in nineteen hundred and thirty three.

His parents were Martha Farris and John Thomas Harkins. His father was a bus driver and his mother a secertary in a furniture store. They were Catholic.

Jimmy, as they called him, had no siblings, and his parents were not exactly affectionate. 
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When I opened the door to my apartment this morning I heard coughing from 1 a, and knowing how old Mr Harkins was I was concerned. I knocked and the door opened to marijuana smoke and some stupid looking hippie woman with a horrible grin on her face.

I asked her why she was in Mr. Harkins apartment, and she said in a terrible voice,

"ehy dude," cough, "I don't know no Harkins."

I was immediately  concerned and thought of millions of horrible things her and her loser associates could have done to him.

"listen you harlot, you tell me where Mr. Harkins is right this second."

"Ehy, man you must mean Jimmy......"

She stopped and her head bobbed and she looked confused and then fell forward. She landed face down and there was a broken glass bong stuck in her back.

Mr Harkins was standing behind her in an attack pose and although the situation was extremely serious there was something very comical about his stance:  bare foot, dirty pants and browned tank top with suspenders.

He is only about 5' 5" you know.

"Yes we know Mr. Hardsocks, can you please go on?"

Well she was kinda squirming on the ground and I could tell the bong was only in her about a quarter of an inch so I pulled it out with her screaming something about hacky sack or something. Maybe she was singing a Widespread lyric or something. I don't know she was making all kinds of noise down there, but seemed ok. Her patchwork pullover soaked up what little blood there was anyway pretty quick.

"What did Mr. Harkins do then?"

He told me she talked her way into his apartment, and tried to have sex with him.

"Does Mr. Harkins normally bring hookers home and use narcotics with them?"

I don't think she was a hooker  maybe a stripper but she had horribly hairy legs,

"Do you do drugs Mr. Hardsocks?"

Naw, not any time recently