Why I substitute Mango slices for Real Beef Jerky.

Why I substitute Mango slices for Real Beef Jerky.

I woke up right before Drake and Zeke started talking on the radio, right before the sun moved over the stain in the hardwood floor, right before it turned 7:04.

Damn it was Saturday, I stumbled into the bathroom, brushed my teeth, took Welbutrin -cupping water from the sink.

“Oh Glorious day, provide me what I need to find that one I need,” I sang, while dipping my toe into a warm bath.

“Oh pretty thing, take me to your home, and buy me cottage cheese so that I might eat it from your hair,” I sung, sitting in the water.

As I Toweled off, “Dear Lord, please let me find her, so that I might dine her, and take her to meet dear old dad.”

I Walked to the couch for a slight nap, I looked and saw little bit staring at the fish, flipper and zipper.

“oh little black cat, why must you always do that, they know not your intentions?”

She meowed three times, and licked her paw.

“Oh you sly dog, or should I say goat, please find me a women so we can be together in all,” i sat and stretched and went to sleep.

A man appeared before me. He wore all white robes and slicked back his hair while standing on my coffee table.

“Hey wait a minute, do I know you?” I asked.

“No, you will be visited by a woman of great beauty, but be aware, she is not what she seems,” said the strange man.

“Ok, like what ive been dreaming and singing about?” I asked.

“Her words and actions on the outside of the flesh will be perfect to your eyes and ears.”

“Uh, does she like books, ballet, fish, cats, goats, flowers, poems, mangos and trail mix?” I asked.

“She will be perfect in all ways, all the way you will enjoy, and you will think you have found true happiness,” said the man.

“Will she wear a size 3 dress, and have brown hair and a mix of green and brown eyes, and wear cute little shoes and have two tattoos of anchors on each forearm?” I asked while I stood up becoming excited.

“She will have every cool thing this world could offer, but will not look pretentious or worldly in anyway. She will always intuitively know the correct things to say for you to love her completely.” said the man.

“Shit, when do we meet? How will I know it's her?”

“While walking, you will take a shortcut to the hardware store, through the old neighborhood of Eastland”--”but I don't know where that is?” I say interrupting.

He resumes, “you will learn many things and go many places before you meet. She will be the acid to your stomach, the water to your poop, the litter to your cat,” the man said while he raised his arms.

“Hold up, bro, you see that cat, you see those fish, you see this floor, you cannot just come in here and start telling me a load of crap just because your arms are glowing,” I said – spitting on the floor.

“Oh simple man, just take my warning, or you will surely DIE!!”

A cloud of smoke appeared, and he was gone. Little bit looked where the man had previously stood.

Meow

Meow