We stopped at a Walgreens right outside of New Braunfels and I bought a water tight cigarette case for my smokes and what I had left of the cocaine. I sat in the back seat, so Gabe couldn’t stop me from taking bumps while we drove. I had seen on TV about a water ride, the Boogie Bahn, that was a slanted wall of water, and people would use body boards and try to stand up for as long as possible surfing. Tons of water flowed over soft foam rubber, so if you fall it doesn’t hurt. They were really going at it on the Travel Channel, and I was looking forward to trying it.
The park was huge and we had to take a bus from the parking lot to the first part and eventually another bus to the second part of the park. There were hot Texas girls in even hotter bikinis and being a redhead I was pale white; Gabe and Tara were both pasty junkies and were covered with track marks and tattoos. I would have been embarrassed if I stopped doing the cocaine long enough to care. Every 30 minutes I would go and take a bump in the bathroom; meticulous drying my hands and the cigarette case to prevent the stuff from getting damp. You cannot do much with wet blow and it took me around five minutes as I sat on a commode. I was paranoid as I listened to people slosh in the bathrooms. I watched their bare feet and water shoes from under the stall and listened to fathers and sons, rednecks and teenagers talk about stuff that was distant to me. I was in a drug mode: the getting, using, and finding ways to get more. As I returned we went looking for the Boogie Bhan, and the higher I got, Tara looked half way cute. She had a bikini top and shorts.
We stood in line for the endless mountain of water, picked up our body boards while we waited. Gabe and Tara talked about how they shot dope into their hands and still had track marks, and I thought about Lauren back in Memphis.
“Oh man, I know that face. What are you thinking about?” said Gabe as pushed my shoulder, “you are thinking about something bad.”
“I was thinking about Lauren. You know that cunt had a bunch of magnum condoms in her purse the other day.”
Gabe Laughed, “well we know those weren’t for you old buddy.”
“Yeah that whore thinks I’m stupid-
well you are if you continue to stay with her,” interrupted Tara.
“Yeah, man you got everything going for you; forget her bro.”
“She said they were from her ex-boyfriend, some mythical dude that beat and raped her.”
“He rapped her; oh that’s awful,” said Tara.
“That stupid bitch has been rapped more times than any other person on the planet. I don’t understand how someone could be rapped so fucking much.”
Gabe said, “oh she is one of those types of girls.”
Tara responded, “what do you mean?”
“You know, every time a guy dumps her, or she needs something to go her way, she cries rape,” said Gabe.
“Do you think they are called “magnums” because of the width or the length of the condom or both,” I asked.
“You cannot just assume that she is lying about rape. Women get rapped you know. Especially by their boyfriends,” said Tara.
“Not this lying cunt, if she was raped, she deserved it,” I screamed.
Two pre-teen boys turned around and looked at me and then smiled at each other.
“Fuck you,” I said in their direction.
“You guys are fucked up,” said Tara looking disgusted at the ground.
“No, Gabe and I just have a keen sense of the truth, and we are letting y’all know. You feel me dawg,” I said in a bad black guy voice.
“Yeah mane,” Gabe responded.
We laughed and moved up in line. One of the boys in front of us got ready to get on the water wave and the instructor told him about the Do’s and Don’ts.
We listened to him say, “don’t fight the fall. Just let the water take you to tide pool over on the Dragon Revenge side. If you are able to stand up, bend your knees and relax. If you get scared when you drop in, just hold your breath for ten seconds and you will be in the safety pool.”
The kid looked scared as he laid down on the foam body board, and his friend watched with anticipation.
Lastly, the ride attendant said, “Most importantly, don’t forget to hang ten,” and pushed him down into the wave. After dropping in, the kid was propelled in the middle for a second and then rolled under the water and came up smiling in the safety pool. His friend did basically the same thing.
Tara decided not to ride and walked the down the concrete sidewalk next to the pool where the water flowed. I laid down on the foam board and said to Gabe,
“Watch this, bro.”
He laughed and said, “ok.”
I slide into the water wave and first noticed all the sound of the water as it rushed by me. I was surprised I didn’t fall immediately and started to try to stand but fell over backwards and came up in the safety pool. I got out and pulled my shirt off my stomach really quick and stood with Tara. We smiled and watched Gabe talk to the attendant and then slide into the pool. He looked totally awkward but he didn’t fall right away, and he actually started to stand up.
“You got it bro, you are surfing,” I screamed.
As he looked at me, he lost his balance and the foam board shot out from under him and hit the metal mesh protecting the people in the line. Gabe fell backwards into the water wave and came up in the wave pool. Several people laughed and clapped. I gave him five as he started climbing out.
“That was cool, Gabe,” said Tara.
“That was fun,” said Gabe.
“Lets do it again,”
We did the ride several more times convincing Tara to try, but none of us got as far as Gabe did on the first try. We eventually ended up in the Lazy River, a concrete water way that went through all of West Shlitterbahn.
“It would be so bad ass if they had a little gate, where when you came in you could sign a
release form, and you could go to a little gate and float out into that river outside the park.
What river is that Gabe?” I asked.
“The Comal.”
“We could get all fucked up in the river doing blow and drinking beer,” I said.
“That’s has to be the stupidest thought you have ever had,” Gabe said as he smiled.
“Fuck you, you do just as much dope as me.”
“I’m not referring to the dope Bobby Fisher, that part is reasonable. ‘A little gate.’” In a sarcastic voice, “Hey Honey, forget the water park, lets float away from our car, children, and life down the Comal River.”
Tara laughed and said, “They could get someone from the park to drive their car to where the river runs into to the Gulf of Mexico and they people would be ready to drive home -
“It doesn’t run into the Gulf of Mexico, it’s a tributary of the Guadalupe River; its basically just
here in town and people tube on it pretty regularly regardless of your stupidity,” said Gabe.
“Oh look Tara, the old Gabe just showed up. The asshole Gabe I knew from high school. Unfortunately, the old Gabe is disgusted at the fat ass junkie he sees here with us today and will be quickly returning to 1999,” I said as I laughed. Tara laughed too.
Gabe said, “whatever,” and pulled his shirt off his stomach.
“Hey jump out and grab a towel, we will pull together and dry off this tube and snort a little sunshine while we float down this here river,” I said to Tara in a redneck voice.
Gabe responded as Tara just looked at me blankly, “you fucking moron, don’t start this
shit again, just go to the bathroom.”
“Ok, whatever old Gabe,” I grabbed the side and plopped out on to the concrete.
“Hey hold my tube, I’ll catch up in Surfenburg,”
Tara smiled and said ok.
I went to the bathroom and experienced basically the same scene written before, expect for a different stall and different feet. I did more on that trip than the previous and jogged the Lazy River until I found Tara and Gabe. I snuck up and jumped into my tube: water splashed everywhere and I crashed down into the tube as I hit something hard with my right ankle.
“You are a fucking asshole. God this fucking hurts.” Gabe said as he held his wrist.
“What the fuck Brad?” asked Tara with a concerned look on her face as she looked at Gabe.
“Stop being a baby, what happened to your wrist anyway?” I asked.
Gabe screamed, “I fell on it,”
Tara asked, “Where?”
“You could have kicked me in the face. You cannot handle that weak ass blow, you cannot handle anything. Stop getting high every five minutes. You need those AA meeting, dude for real. You have a problem man,” said Gabe in a whiney voice.
I actually felt bad, “I’m sorry, man. I was being stupid.”
“You just cannot stop once you are started with anything. You just keep doing it to it’s gone or you pass out or someone whoops your ass. You are going to end up in jail if you keep acting like this or not have any friends or both.”
“Whatever dude, save that story for consoler lady at the methadone clinic. You fucking hypocrite.”
My tone played down his anger and we gently rolled down the concrete river as we laid on our backs in the tubes. Gabe held his wrist, and we all three wore sunglasses.
“This is nice and relaxing,” said Tara.
“You know, I think I could get anyone off drugs with a simple invention,” I said.
“Oh really how is that,” said Gabe not moving from his position.
“I will create a time safe, and not like those things in Mapco, but a device kinda like a clock that
has a little opening every day or twice a day that allows you to stick your hand in there and
get your drugs out.”
“What is Mapco?” asked Tara.
“It’s the name of some gas stations in the South. Exxon would have been a better reference but whatever. Are you joking, dude?” Gabe said as he sat up on his elbows in the tube and looked over at me.
“No, if I had one, I would be drug free right now. See you go to the dope man and he pours the dope into a funnel. It will be able to handle powder, pills, weed, you name it-
“What about tar, like the H we get?” said Tara.
“Yeah, I will include something to melt the shit down and divvy it up. There will be a scale inside with digital interface on the front, and you just punch in what you want your clean date to be.”
“That is so stupid. What kind of drug dealer would pour shit into a device in the first fucking place and second what kind of drug addict would ask the dope dude to help him get sober?”
“You know you cannot say sober in a NA meeting. They freak out.” I said.
“What’s NA-
“Why?” asked Gabe.
“Cause it just means you are not drunk. You could have a crack pipe stuck up your ass and be sober. They correct people in the meeting and make them say “clean” instead.”
“That’s weird.”
“Yeah, whatever, those people need this device. It will slowly wean them off their drug of choice. You could put all kinds of stuff in it like porn and food too.”
“What’s NA?” asked Tara.
Gabe responded, “Narcotics Anonymous, a hokey version of AA for people in prison.”
“It’s not for people in prison. It is for people who are sprung on opiates and shit. My device would save millions of lives.”
“Your device would get people killed asking the dope boys to pour crack into a funnel.
It is a complete piece of shit. I can just see you with crowbar beating that thing to
death hoping it had some dope left in it.”
“Maybe the dealer interaction part is not valid, so I will leave it up to the user to pour in the crack.”
“If I buy crack, I’m going to smoke it,” Tara said.
“Whatever, let’s go. I’m fucking shriveled.”
